Yesterday my friend and I were in our metro ride back home.
I noticed quite a deep cut on her hand.
I calmly asked her, “How did you do this, and when? I just hope if you didn’t do anything else it’s not very worrisome, but…”
I know she suffers from depression and it was an attempt to self-harm.
Probably I should have over-flooded her with questions and showed her how much I care for her.
But I didn’t.
She took a while and said, “Shit, even you noticed. Everyone who noticed was lecturing me about how I shouldn’t be doing it and it’s no good and etc but I’m glad you didn’t freak out.”
And then she told me everything about it, and how she was feeling.
Probably not asking of questions seems to be a pretty cold response at times, but this is what I do.
I just calmly bring the topic on the table, and then give others time to speak and share with me whatever they want to.
I never pester people to tell me each and every detail of each and every incident. I give them time and space. I let them know that I care but I would also trust their decision of how much they want me to know.
And I end up listening to people’s stories all the time.
The complete stories that they share willingly.
This is how I would like to continue to act.