Teenagers and Sex

Diana, wow… Thank you for summoning my inner guru… Sometimes I have thought about this question but in a future kind of way… So here goes…
My children are still a little too young, but it’ll only be a matter of a few years until they will be teens.
So I tend to think, they probably know about sex from school. Study of the reproductive systems as well as some conversations by other teens in school, home, movies too. So teens probably already know. However, it is important to have age appropriate conversations with a teen while maintaining neutrality.
Okay here’s the thing, sometimes you may talk to them about sex in a way that they never knew and they realize you are giving them new ‘insightful’ information… Pun intended… Then, they go experiment with what they heard from you.
I honestly believe that such conversations are not discourses that happen in a blink of an eye! They should happen and get deeper over time. So it is important to maintain not only a disciplinarian role, but also a friend role. Keeping the communication channels open that no kind of conversation or question is to be judged harshly or out of context and ignored as stupid.
Imagine how the teenage boy would yield if you went in asking to have candid conversations about some of the most difficult questions they have been struggling with in their mind, while reminding them, you may be their mom but you’re also their friend. Reminding them that you may not have all the answers but that it is a healthy moment for them to let you in on their lives and what issues they have been struggling with. If they said nothing and nothing at all… Then you can go in and ask subtle questions. And of course if they can’t answer, because they are shy, go in with analogies and scenarios like, role play to add on to that.
Like pose them some questions to do with real life instead of seeming like you are asking direct questions. What is sex… Do you know sex is bad out of marriage…. Blah blah blah… Instead go in with questions that involve scenarios… If Mary asked Barry a b c d, what would you do if it were you? Questions like those make more sense and hopefully the conversation comes from a place of friendship unlike judgement.
Finally, if you want to tie sex to religion, it’s up to you. Other times I think that we are not supposed to grow from a place of fear. I personally grew up fearing to be seen with boys. What if like the youths of these days, people get high on alcohol, weed or whatever and they suddenly engage in risky sexual behaviour…. How?
The answer is easy…. When high, there is zero sense of fear… Just an illusion of fun and freedom… And they will indulge all night I tell you and they will talk about it as though it is meaningless…. But hey! Sex is not meaningless!
The best way to approach this issue is from a personal values angle. As you teach them discipline with other aspects of life, teach these kids emotional regulation and emotional discipline for their sake as well adjusted men in this society. Build their emotional intelligence (EQ). Teach the boys how best to respect themselves to know that it is important to respect other people too including girls. And to cultivate a protector, carer spirit in our teen boys.
And this message goes for teen girls too!
Beautiful question Diana!
Let me in on what you think?!