The society we live in constantly reminds us to get married but nobody tells you what to do after the actual marriage ceremony and the couple mostly concentrate more on the ceremony/date than the whole “forever until death does us part thing” that’s why we have more divorce.
What parents need to do and the society at large is to teach us our primary role in our homes. What can we do to change this? What can we do to change society’s pursuit of marriage without any focus on roles and values?
Don’t forget that this is the same society that tells us that abortion is wrong but still looks down on teenage parents .
In the African Set up, mostly it’s assumed that the couples know what is to come after marriage. So the people will just be in for it just for the ceremony and celebrations. Marriage mostly is a personal decision and if you don’t think beyond the yes I do, you may eventually have to say Yes I do not. Best thing is to take things slowly and focus. You may also have to learn from other people.
I think there are circles that actually have the right ideologies to marriage. Now if you’re looking for it in mainstream areas, you’ll never get it.
Want to know what works and what doesn’t? Sit down with different married couples, who are willing to share their stories. Those who won’t show you just one side, but everything including how they solve conflict.
Everyone has conflict, but like you said, mutual values and mutual support goes a long way.
But to find such, you have to look. They’re not on social media or mainstream media
Sadly no-one can really give you an answer to what you asked. Read the question on marriage I had asked a few weeks ago, hopefully it might shed some light, but even that will not give you a silver-bullet.
From my experiences and observations thus far, I believe marriage is a man-made social institution like religion. And, like religion, is not imperative for what it claims to represent. Religion is an institution that supposedly governs a human being’s relationship with the unknown (hence ‘faith’) and likewise marriage is an institution that governs a human being’s interaction with a spouse. Both have elements of control from without. Now, it is up to you to decide whether you want your relationship with whoever you are with to be dictated by society or whether you want the two of you to map out you own path.
For those like me, who embrace misanthropy with no mercy, the choice is a no-brainer, but for most people what society thinks plays a critical role in their choices.
It would all boil down to happiness and choice.
Are you happy about your partner?
Do you get married out of social pressure or personal preference?
Marriage is used to force people into a specific mold by the system. One can not vie for president if they are not married. People will look at you in an awkward way, like if s/he can not get a partner, how will she take care of the whole nation.
Religious institutions also use it as a way of forcing people into submission. They dictate who you marry, when you marry and even sometimes when you divorce. I say follow your heart girl. Society won’t share that bed with you!
It starts with ourselves. Most of the time we think about ourselves first. Even when you are very helpful, you may be doing it because it makes you feel good or because you think you have to.
When one or both of you thinks of his or her self-interest first, you will grow apart. Maybe one of you is busy with his or her success and career or with the kids. There is not enough attention left for the partner. Or one of the two thinks they’re better off with a new partner and cheats on you.
If you give your partner too little attention and respect, he or she will respond by, for example, becoming distant, getting angry or trying to restore balance in some other way. Before you know it, deep emotional wounds arise that cannot be healed easily. The longer the problems persist, the more those wounds fester.
It could also be that one of the partners has a secret from the other. For example, an addiction, certain expenses or problems. Even though you may think that it doesn’t bother the other person, it will always affect the relationship.
What if the relationship doesn’t work anymore?
There are always two people in a relationship. If one of the two people no longer wants to invest in the relationship, sooner or later the relationship will break down. It can’t always come from one side, even though there may be times when it seems that way. It could be that the two of you are at a completely different point in the relationship.
Talking a lot with each other, but also listening well can get a deadlocked relationship back on track. Of course, both of you must be willing to put in the time and energy into the relationship. Sometimes it takes a lot of stamina and patience.
Help from a third party, for example a relationship therapist, can help you. But the most important thing is that you both invest enough in each other. But be careful not to sit around and wait for the other person. Talk a lot with each other and try to work it out together. That sometimes takes a lot of time. Especially when pain and sorrow has been built up over the years. Sometimes it can feel like you’re pulling a dead horse, but when there is still love, there is hope