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Fatumas Voice Latest Questions

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African Shinobi
Nyati

Why do you think most relationships between young people below 30yrs don’t work?

First up by ‘work’ I mean a relationship that does not end in one’s lifetime (unless of course a partner dies). It doesn’t have to mean marriage or the conventional ways 2 people are expected to stay as a couple but rather a constructive productive lifelong relationship underpinned by friendship built over the years. When this fails, becomes dysfunctional or injurious then it’s ‘not working’. Now that we know what ‘work’ is here, let’s move on!

Here is my answer (being a person close to 40). The short response is (1) poor/no formation of boys and girls on matters relationships & adult life in general which then hinges on parenting … (2) a person in their 20s is simply immature (as far as experiences in life go & potential for more experiences). The long answers: –

Most young people in their 20s esp. now are unemployed & many who are employed can barely make ends meet. Sadly, most young women look for men who can support them, [sadly] some go further and want a person who can do everything for them as far as expenses go … this is hardly that 20-25 year old young man. So what next? Most of these relationships are based on sex & surface expectations which, by the time it’s too late, the relationship collapses naturally. Then what? Drug abuse, early pregnancies, crime, mental health issues, etc. The same young men end up in crime as a pressure outlet to impress these young women and the young women often end up as concubines to the older men who can easily support them without resorting to crime. In extreme cases, these girls become prostitutes/commercial sex workers/socialites/call girls/olosho/ashewo … call it what you may it’s the same thing.
Many young men (women too) have no mentors who guide them on life skills (to include handling their sexuality, women, family, money, etc.) so they simply learn the hard way – the world. Men almost always will go for the physically attractive woman as would a woman for the financially stable man – again this is often not the 20-25yrs bracket. And even with money, at 25-ish one still has a lot to learn about the world. In fact, cases of those who ‘make wealth early’ then lose it are more than those who make it later in life. Many young people are attracted to temporal things like being cool, popular, etc. These are great but have no core in what one needs to hack life – the coolest kid in campus is rarely the most successful regardless of how you define success also ladies usually go for the campus ‘stud’ then regret later; likewise, young men, go for the ‘hot’ insta-chick then wonder why they ended up with a disaster for a wife! Go beyond the superficial.
Men, even mature men, will almost all their life be physically attracted to women 20-25 regardless of other things they may uniquely pursue in a partner. It is the maturity & wisdom that comes only by years of living life that make that same man who is now way past his 20s invest more than beauty when choosing a partner. That said, young men, even boys, need to be taught early on that there’s more to partner selection than looks (they fade anyway). Women of that age can not usually be supported by 20-something young men (which they should not anyway but instead work hard and only get someone that they truly are compatible with), so what next? (1) the woman privy to some guidance will work on herself (e.g. learning, focus on job mobility, building meaningful networks, etc.) as she maintains friendships until eventually she can sensibly (if she wants) settle with that suitor (usually a man doing the same till then) who would usually be 2-3 years her senior (she could be say 32 and man 35+). (2) the women not privy/willing to take route (1) look for an older man who already has the money and more or less get ‘sponsored’ to be concubines/socialites … This obviously ends badly because any diligent man would not be a sugar daddy. Such men use these women then discard them for the next ‘hot thing’. Such women end up as single parents, with health problems or even prematurely dead (including those from the many 20s sex-based relationships). One is then left wondering where all the good men are yet all along they were beside them knocking that hustle but now have the women described in (1) as a better option. Similarly, men in (1) usually end up squandering opportunities they would have used for personal growth and development.
This may sound crazy but most long-term relationships below 30 don’t work eventually. Not to say they can’t, many do but most do not for everything I described above based also on my own experiences and observations.
Parting shot tips (use what works for you): (1) Women in 20s: never go for men over 10 years your senior unless the circumstances are extraordinary (another whole topic); do not depend on men or anyone for survival, work on yourself – learn skills, form relationships that are constructive, eat well & keep fit. (2) Men in 20s: Do the same in (1) I recommended for women and also focus more on your personal growth and family i.e. start a sport, have ‘me-time’ hobbies, workout, read, eat well, travel when possible, volunteer, always extend your privilege, seek advise from elders and not fellow immature friends of your age … et cetera. Eventually, trust the process, that high value woman/man will come your way!

For more on my personal growth & development ’stuff’ & work I do visit: https://linktr.ee/munuku

Tips for those in their 20s: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dk-vcSPXVgI

Related Questions

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Best Answer

  1. Marriages under 30 don't work because these couples are not allowed to explore each other before pressured into procreation. I find very silly seeing new couple with kids.. Like what is with the hurry? Why are you not exploring each others individuality, uniqueness, freakiness, hobbies, extremes, etRead more

    Marriages under 30 don’t work because these couples are not allowed to explore each other before pressured into procreation.

    I find very silly seeing new couple with kids..

    Like what is with the hurry?

    Why are you not exploring each others individuality, uniqueness, freakiness, hobbies, extremes, etc before bringing another human in the picture.

    I for one find it intrusive bringing a child into a 2 or 3 years marriage.

    I have an acquaintance who her marriage just ended.

    Wheno spoke to her about what the problem is. It made her think hard.

    My age mates in their 30s who rushed through marriage and having kids and then separating.

    I held her parents accountable cos there was too much pressure on the gentleman.

    What if he wasn’t ready for kids?

    What if etc.

    And you know what? It shows as I guessed cos he only sends about 10 dollars once a while to her for child support.

    These are evidence of when a male was not ready in my theory.

    Couples should give themselves 3 to 5 years of self exploration as married couples before every expanding their family.

    See less

5 Her Answers

  1. Due to lack of commitment and fear of responsibilities

    Due to lack of commitment and fear of responsibilities

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  2. This answer was edited.

    Most young people don't know what to give or expect in a relationship except for financial support and sex for that matter. Most guys under 30 years have not yet stabilised financially but are expected to make ends meet and at the same time support their partner. When they have a misunderstanding thRead more

    Most young people don’t know what to give or expect in a relationship except for financial support and sex for that matter. Most guys under 30 years have not yet stabilised financially but are expected to make ends meet and at the same time support their partner. When they have a misunderstanding they start weighing out and realising that besides intimacy they are gaining nothing more from each other. And ladies on the other hand move where they are benefiting financially (though not all). We should be looking at this differently. Find a friend first then a partner would be safe to have in them. Find someone who you can build a life with. Someone you can talk life, business etc. Someone who helps you fix yourself and not one who overlooks them. Learn from each other, have constructive relationships. Also young people shouldn’t take breaking up as the first solution instead of staying and fixing what’s broken. Working things out sometimes is better than walking out because how many times will you be walking out? Not that one should stay in a toxic relationship…

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  3. I tend to believe its because people in that age gap are not emotionally matured,fear of responsibilities and fear of commitments.

    I tend to believe its because people in that age gap are not emotionally matured,fear of responsibilities and fear of commitments.

    See less
  4. immaturity is one of the reasons why most relationships fail. Also too much expectations from partners and when you can't get them, it starts to create issues then misunderstanding and finally you start to feel they aren't good enough for you.

    immaturity is one of the reasons why most relationships fail. Also too much expectations from partners and when you can’t get them, it starts to create issues then misunderstanding and finally you start to feel they aren’t good enough for you.

    See less
  5. Marriages under 30 don't work because these couples are not allowed to explore each other before pressured into procreation. I find very silly seeing new couple with kids.. Like what is with the hurry? Why are you not exploring each others individuality, uniqueness, freakiness, hobbies, extremes, etRead more

    Marriages under 30 don’t work because these couples are not allowed to explore each other before pressured into procreation.

    I find very silly seeing new couple with kids..

    Like what is with the hurry?

    Why are you not exploring each others individuality, uniqueness, freakiness, hobbies, extremes, etc before bringing another human in the picture.

    I for one find it intrusive bringing a child into a 2 or 3 years marriage.

    I have an acquaintance who her marriage just ended.

    Wheno spoke to her about what the problem is. It made her think hard.

    My age mates in their 30s who rushed through marriage and having kids and then separating.

    I held her parents accountable cos there was too much pressure on the gentleman.

    What if he wasn’t ready for kids?

    What if etc.

    And you know what? It shows as I guessed cos he only sends about 10 dollars once a while to her for child support.

    These are evidence of when a male was not ready in my theory.

    Couples should give themselves 3 to 5 years of self exploration as married couples before every expanding their family.

    See less

3 His Answers

  1. I think it’s worse today than any generation. We do not teach accountability, and seem to be accepting terms like “ghosting” and prioritizing followers over actual friendships. Cheating and revenge is becoming a powerful confidence symbol instead of being frowned upon, which justifies emotional reasRead more

    I think it’s worse today than any generation. We do not teach accountability, and seem to be accepting terms like “ghosting” and prioritizing followers over actual friendships. Cheating and revenge is becoming a powerful confidence symbol instead of being frowned upon, which justifies emotional reasoning which is the quickest way to get in trouble. We’re caught in an era where all the family and traditional values are seen as something to rebel against for the sake of, and being single is the new “in” and gives you more “you” time. Do I entirely disagree with these moves? No. I think revision is inevitable and at some times necessary. But the trend of “rebel to rebel” is one our countries current detriments.

    And this attitude of “owe I don’t owe you a response” “ill ghost you” “I’ll keep you around for later” is so toxic and it’s both and any genders fault. People either seem to be looking for an unattainable movie love, a tumblr love where you’re given everything you want without having to repay, or purely sexual for constant fulfillment. The latter of which is encouraged more than ever today, and that really isn’t the best mentality of “do every person you want to, it’s your life”. It takes away from bonds and intimacy with one or a few potential mates. We become desensitized and soon we don’t know what special is because we have used all of ours on whoever would take it.

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  2. Most of the relationships of people below 30 yrs don't work because of immaturity. These are people who still want to experience life. They are not mature enough even to tackle some of the simplest issues arising between themselves. These are people who feel that they still need some space to enjoyRead more

    Most of the relationships of people below 30 yrs don’t work because of immaturity. These are people who still want to experience life. They are not mature enough even to tackle some of the simplest issues arising between themselves.
    These are people who feel that they still need some space to enjoy life, and are not ready to settle down. There relationshipsbwill only work as soon as they realise that relationships need a lot of sacrifices.

    See less
  3. “When there is a significant difference in age, like 10 to 15 years or more, life experiences can be vastly different.” In relationships with a large emotional maturity gap, the more mature partner could end up carrying a heavier emotional load in the relationship, leading to exhaustion and potentiaRead more

    “When there is a significant difference in age, like 10 to 15 years or more, life experiences can be vastly different.” In relationships with a large emotional maturity gap, the more mature partner could end up carrying a heavier emotional load in the relationship, leading to exhaustion and potentially a breakup.

    See less

2 Answers

  1. Is it that most people below 30 are immature and that once you're above 30 you become mature? Before 30 you have work, life to plan, things ti explore, getting your foot in your first job, creating a career.... there's time for relationship but not as solid since you are now meeting people and learnRead more

    Is it that most people below 30 are immature and that once you’re above 30 you become mature?

    Before 30 you have work, life to plan, things ti explore, getting your foot in your first job, creating a career….

    there’s time for relationship but not as solid since you are now meeting people and learning.

    Immaturity can stay after 30 too or come sooner.

    See less
  2. Successful relationships require a certain level of maturity for both partners. Most of those below 30 lack this, and it compromises their relationship.

    Successful relationships require a certain level of maturity for both partners. Most of those below 30 lack this, and it compromises their relationship.

    See less