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Onyango Otieno
Chui

Do you understand how abandonment in childhood affected your attachment style in relationships in your adulthood?

Everyday I’m learning how abandonment in childhood affects you in adulthood. Aside from difficulty to trust people who are genuinely interested in you, there is a tendency to abandon them abruptly; just like it happened to you. One moment you were smothered with love, one moment it was withdrawn. Without explanation.

How that cycle presents itself in your adult life, you find it easy to “ghost” people without flinching. It’s unhealthy. And while it is often a protective mechanism, just like a wall protects from harm, it also keeps out joy, because people can’t reach your core if you don’t open up to them.
And if people don’t reach your core, it limits your ability to truly connect.

There is a loneliness that is choreographed by self sabotage.

You may ask how to go about it. I’ve found it easier to find a few people with whom I can easily talk to and with whom I wouldn’t need to overstretch myself around. People who make me feel safe. Sometimes you don’t have to talk everyday and they don’t demand too much of you. They let you be. And slowly you find yourself learning to trust again. Healthy male friendships…

Start small.

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